Don't spill the grits.

Last night I had the brilliant idea to spill the grits. I know what you're thinking. Why would spilling the grits be brilliant? Well let me just tell you of the many advantages of why to spill the grits. Despite the over-spilling in the microwave and the fact that the grits are boiling lava hot and can produce many speckled and splattered shaped burns on one's arms and legs, you can find much laughter, amazement, and joy in life. Those three things usually come after the shouts and tears from the much wanted pain that you will receive. Now, back to those three wonderful things that come after---the advantages. Please, to really enhance the advantages, use a plastic rubbermaid dish that becomes pliable when it warms for best results. Of course after asking if you're okay, the laughter comes after your husband comes out and looks at you with a rather confused look and then the two of you look around to see the damage. It's amazing how one serving of grits that falls to the floor, just 3ft down, can spread to the walls on the opposite side of the kitchen to the tune of as tall as 6ft and get in all the cracks and crevices of the cabinetry. But wait! Then it hits! BAM! The amazement. Can you feel it? You'll find, for the ultimate experience, to drop the grits about 2 ft from the end of the counter. That way when you go to the closet next to the end of the counter to get the mop and look towards your nice and clean living room which is behind, to the right of, and blocked by the 2 ft of counter, you'll have a nice surprise awaiting you on the carpet. Now, for the final advantage--joy. Ah, the joy you will feel after you clean for an hour to get all those tiny little grains up. They make such a nice coating on the floor and it's such a great feeling to know how soft the floor has become. You'll look around and be completely satisfied--no not exhausted--but satisfied to know your kitchen is sparkly clean. Then you'll feel like your day is complete.